Dear Moneyist, I’m getting ready to be married next year. My fiancé, 32, and I, 35, have been together five years and are both aware of each other’s financials (debt, savings, everything). We also talk openly about how we want to save and are taking steps to be able to live the life we want to in the future — we always “pay ourselves” first and don’t spend frivolously. We are not first-class people by any means, but we make a happy living. We were planning to combine financial assets/accounts once we marry.
We understand we are being hard and some might view it as selfish, but we’re also trying to protect ourselves from someone who only seems to see his son as an ATM.
My concern relates to his father and my future father-in-law. They have never been close and my fiancé is an only child. His father is depressed and is currently being forced to retire several years early. His father has never been good with money and has no savings. The father has always asked family, and his son — my fiancé — for loans. My fiancé has, at times, purchased groceries for his father and taken days off to make sure his father gets proper medical care, but never written any type of check or loan for his dad. My future father-in-law has recently asked my fiancé for money so he can pay his rent: My fiancé said no. That was hard as it was for him — he was in tears. We live in Ohio and his father lives in Kentucky. Don’t miss: My husband has terrible credit, so I’m buying a house alone—but I want pullout beds for his kids [1] My question is: How do we best protect our combined financial assets to make it so that we are not, in any way, responsible for his father’s lack of planning and/or bankruptcy? We would be happy to help his father if he was a willing participant in saving, repayment or thankfulness, but he is not — and always asking for more help. Their relationship has always been strained because of these types of requests. My fiancé and I have worked hard and plan on buying a home soon and having children. We do not want to forgo our hard-fought savings for someone who doesn’t know how to handle or save money. We understand we are being hard and some might view it as selfish, but we’re also trying to protect ourselves from someone who only seems to see his son as an ATM. I wish he was closer to his father and I push for them to build a relationship, but then I see this and I know why my fiancé is closed off to his dad. How do we financially protect ourselves? Concerned in the Ohio Valley Dear Concerned,... My fiancé’s father treats him like an ATM—how do we protect our financial future?
- Category: Economics
Dear Moneyist, I’m getting ready to be married next year. My fiancé, 32, and I, 35, have been together five years and are both aware of each other’s financials (debt, savings, everything). We also talk openly about how we want to save and are taking steps to be able to live the life we want to in the future — we always “pay ourselves” first and don’t spend frivolously. We are not first-class people by any means, but we make a happy living. We were planning to combine financial assets/accounts once we marry.
We understand we are being hard and some might view it as selfish, but we’re also trying to protect ourselves from someone who only seems to see his son as an ATM.
My concern relates to his father and my future father-in-law. They have never been close and my fiancé is an only child. His father is depressed and is currently being forced to retire several years early. His father has never been good with money and has no savings. The father has always asked family, and his son — my fiancé — for loans. My fiancé has, at times, purchased groceries for his father and taken days off to make sure his father gets proper medical care, but never written any type of check or loan for his dad. My future father-in-law has recently asked my fiancé for money so he can pay his rent: My fiancé said no. That was hard as it was for him — he was in tears. We live in Ohio and his father lives in Kentucky. Don’t miss: My husband has terrible credit, so I’m buying a house alone—but I want pullout beds for his kids [1] My question is: How do we best protect our combined financial assets to make it so that we are not, in any way, responsible for his father’s lack of planning and/or bankruptcy? We would be happy to help his father if he was a willing participant in saving, repayment or thankfulness, but he is not — and always asking for more help. Their relationship has always been strained because of these types of requests. My fiancé and I have worked hard and plan on buying a home soon and having children. We do not want to forgo our hard-fought savings for someone who doesn’t know how to handle or save money. We understand we are being hard and some might view it as selfish, but we’re also trying to protect ourselves from someone who only seems to see his son as an ATM. I wish he was closer to his father and I push for them to build a relationship, but then I see this and I know why my fiancé is closed off to his dad. How do we financially protect ourselves? Concerned in the Ohio Valley Dear Concerned,...